The meaning of life (ok, deep subject matter)

Ok, I'm taking a queue from Amy and I'm going to post about what I'm grateful for. Amy, thank you so much for being so uplifting. You have so much that you could be sad over, and you just amaze me. You find the best in everything, and I'm just blown away... You inspire me to be more than I am. You inspire me to come back to church, and God, and find peace in that. You have changed my very thoughts about life, and I'm not sure I can't express that in word or voice. All of you have inspired this new love in me. A peace that I never thought I would find. Kyle is another amazing force in my life. He and Serene move me to change my life. This is a very personal post, so I hope you don't find it to mushy. :-)

Sometimes you just have to stop and ponder how lucky you really are. I know many of you are still so young, and I really hope life does not hand you the trials that George and I have faced. But wherever you are, whatever you face, take a moment and say a thank you to God for what you have. If you really(really) look at all you have, and don't look at what you don't... You can't help but be so humble and grateful.

As I sat out on my porch this morning, and George is still in Germany until June 6th... While feeling alone (and starting to feel sorry for myself), I stopped to ponder the blessings in my life.

First, I am grateful for this life. Just being alive, and healthy, and having people to love. I could have been born anywhere, but I was born here in America. Imagine if you had been born in Africa, to an AIDS mother that died shortly after you were born. This is the life that millions of children are born into. I'm just constantly amazed that we live in the blessed world, with healthy, happy, loving people. I'm thankful for a wonderful husband (I met late in my life), a BEAUTIFUL family that I have the pleasure of loving because of George, grandchildren when I had no children of my own, Rodger(grandpa), Donna(grandma), Clint, Amy, Lisa, Kyle, Shalise, Marsha, David, Alan, Marvin, Laurie, DeAnna, and all their kids, 11 Wonderful grandchildren, and one on the way. It really is amazing how much I have been blessed. WOW!

My father and I are trying our hardest to find peace and make amends (George and I are going out to MO over fathers day). My mother and I are still struggling, but hopefully we will get through it. My brother is a lost cause and no one knows where he is, but he gave me a beautiful niece, and I love her with all my heart. Her name is Sasha and her birthday is coming up on June 9th(she will be 16 this year). I worry so much about her, but I believe (in my heart) she will turn out OK. I will do anything I can to support her making a better life. I have a step-brother named Chesney and his wife is Summer. They are so fun and I can't wait to see them this month.

Clayton, Jakob, Kaitlyn, Lydia, Bridger, Henry, Caroline, Malory, Dawson, Brigham, Carter.... I think I got them all in there according to age. :-) I so wish that we could spend more time with each of them. I would love to learn all their little personalities and know them day to day. If there is anything that I feel is missing in my life, it is this. Not knowing each of them, every day. It is such a loss in my heart.

Now to the basics... clean running water, a comfortable bed, a hot shower, food to eat, doctors, hospitals, employment, a roof over my head, sunshine, rain, green trees, birds, rabbits, squirrels, frogs, butterflies, and of course my cat... and I could just go on and on here...

My cat was recently very sick. I took her to the doctor and they thought she might not live out the week. I lost my littlest cat Ali about 2.5 years ago. She was only 5 years old, so it was quite a shock. I got her from the SPCA and she was very sick when I found her. It took me three vets and hundreds of dollars to finally find out she had microscopic parasites. I'm sure her little brother was not so lucky, and didn't have the care I gave Ali. Anyway she lived and thrived, but she always had stomach problems after that. She threw up a lot... more than most cats. And one day, she just quit eating and drinking. I was the hardest thing I've ever done to put her down. We held her while it was done ,and she purred right through the whole thing. We force fed her water and food for a week trying to save her, but it didn't work. So, now my cat that is 15 years old starts having problems. Well, it's been an entirely different experience. I found a really good vet near our house and they gave me fluids to put under her skin. I know, quite a scary process. I actually poke the needle under her skin in the back and force 1.5 of fluids (from a plastic IV kind of bag) under her skin. I hate needles by the way, so it's amazing I can do this. But she hates the vet SO MUCH and I think it's better if I do it. So, she totally recovered and is thriving again. She now eats better than most people. Chicken, shrimp, hamburger, baby food, tuna.... I have tried everything to get her to eat. They do not know what is wrong with her, even after $600 in tests. Blood work good, heart good... All they can say now, is that it might be cancer. I will do everything in my power to make her healthy and happy. This does not include surgery or chemotherapy. So, today is a great day for the cat. We went outside and she rolled around in the grass and chased a bunny. If you look at pets, you will really see how simple it is to be happy. So, I'm VERY thankful that she is doing well. It won't be long until she is gone from my life too, but right now she's happy and healthy, when the vet told me she would probably die 4 weeks ago.

You know that Robins do not mate for life (as many other birds do)? They are amazing parents. They come back to the same place each year to have their babies. Even if they have a successful breeding it is not a guarantee that they will mate again next year. It's a much better chance, but no guarantee. Many Robin babies do not make it to adulthood. It's a staggering number that die before that. I feed the Robins now thanks to my over-wintering Robin. Pears, Grapes, and Apples... It's amazing to see them hop up to the bowl with a worm or two in their mouths and load up their beaks with fruit to take back to the babies. Then we see them later in the summer with their babies (they look like full grown Robins) hopping around with screeching youngsters teaching them how to hunt worms. I'm inspired by their willingness to try again. Even after they may have lost a baby last year they come right back and try again. We should be so resilient.

So, if you are reading this I love you all. I hope we have many more years to love each other and enjoy this wonderful life we have been given. I know too mushy... :-) But, true...